Sex! Sex! Sex!
Do I have your attention? No, that wasn’t just some cheap ploy to get you to read my post, I actually have something to say about this racy subject.
All Saints just finished up a series on Love and Relationships. It was a great series that made some great points about marriage in particular and relationships in general. My take-away? I really wish I was in a relationship! Haha. Ok, I am being a bit flippant. It is true, I would like to be in a relationship (but I am also quite happy without it), but there was much more that was said that should be meditated on to grow closer to Christ and used to build strong relationships with others.
I commented on one of the sermons (“Two Nonnegotiables“) that dealt with seeking that “perfect” relationship. Bill went on to cover a wide variety of “love and marriage” issues (check out the audio downloads page at All Saints to hear them all) concluding with “Let Me Stand Next To Your Fire” (Sex!) and “Keeping it Hot! Staying in Love Forever.”
Sex is always an awkward topic to discuss in Christian circles. But to truly live holistically as a Christian, we must recognize that God created sex for our pleasure and enjoyment. To deny that is to ignore the benefits of something that God has given us. See a passage like Proverbs 5:18-19 and try to ignore God’s desire for us when it comes to sex. Heck, read the book Song of Solomon (often called the Song of Songs [which really means "the best song"]), you won’t be able to deny God’s intentions towards sex. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 notes:
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This is both a freeing and scary statement. A husband and wife shouldn’t deprive each other. I think that modern culture understand that. But the “no authority over his/her own body” thing people have problems with. But to be perfectly blunt, if they are not comfortable with that, they should not get married.
The Bible is also pretty explicit about the appropriate time for having sex: after entering into marriage. I won’t dwell on this too much because I think it is a point that has been argued about ad nauseam. I will say this: it is exceedingly difficult for Christians to defend any arguments they have for having sex before marriage. The world may not understand why we wait; they don’t seen to get that sex is a profound spiritual, emotional, and physical act that carries complications and implications in all those areas. Waiting just means we recognize that God has a better idea about how sex is to be used that we do. I am quite unashamed in saying that I am 28 and a virgin. That doesn’t mean it is easy to wait, especially in seeing how God has created sex for us, but it is crucial to be able to fully experience all that comes along with this gift.
The series was concluded today with a sermon on keeping the passion alive; how do we stay in love with the same person forever? Bill offered four ways to help keep your relationships strong (specifically romantic relationships, but relationships in general will also benefit from these suggestions). Step toward growth in Christ (Philippians 2:4-5). Step toward servanthood (Matthew 20:26-28). Step toward honor (Romans 12:10). Step toward enjoyment of each other (John 10:10). Simple principles, but epic in importance. The hard part is actually living these things out. They don’t have to be huge things, little daily things are just as important as the big, grand gestures. Daily practice of these suggestions will help foster love for each other and build a strong foundation.
Small topics, eh? I know all these things could be explored in much more detail, but I will leave it at that for now. Now I just need to get a date so as to apply some of the principles talked about in the series! 
If you were in Colorado, I’d totally go out with you!
Great thoughts on the topic, btw. It’s definitely a subject that Christians all too often shy away from.
It’s good that you are gathering knowledge (and from the best place - the Bible) before jumping into anything.
This will so greatly prepare you to put God first in all that you do, and then, to be a wonderful leader and partner. These basic principles about relationships is a good start.
~Barb
Hey no fair… all I can see is some scripture.
A post! I may faint!
…off to go read it now.
How ironic is it that I haven’t looked at this blog for months (a travesty, I know, but true) and THIS is the one I decide to read? HAHA! I just had to say that I really like that passage about giving one’s body over to one’s spouse. So often (at least in my heathen experiences), sex is just a physical thing; like an itch that just needs scratching. (Though if you start to itch after sex, you probably need to go see a doctor) But that changes when you’ve vowed to spend the rest of your life together. If you surrender your body to your spouse, sex becomes a truly shared experience. (Assuming you both get your cookies) So, I guess that’s all. Please feel free to write on this subject any time!
Matt,
Interesting post. You mentioned Song of Solomon as descriptive of God’s view of sex, but it is about Solomon having sex with someone who apparently wasn’t his wife-and we all know how many concubines he had. This seems to contradict the dominant Christian view that sex is appropriate only within marriage. Any thoughts on this?
Actually, I should have been clearer, the woman may have been Solomon’s wife-but at best one among many.
If you are getting lonely though I have come across a beautiful and single lady in your area… She thinks just like you!
Good to see you writing once in awhile!
It’s been awhile since I made a comment but that was a really good post. It’s something that has really made me respect my parents. That even after 39 years of marriage they are still in deeply in love with each other. That is something my husband and I look forward to having.
I don’t think your god gives a shit about your fluid exchanges. As you pointed out earlier, Matt, the universe is a very, very, big place. Who you [delete] doesn’t matter a hill o’beans.
[Delete] away, Christians!
@ Amanda: hehe, thanks for the encouragement.
@ Tony: Heh, sorry to disappoint!
@ Jill: Thanks for sharing from your “heathen experience.” Heh. It definitely is interesting how perceptions before and after marriage can change.
@ John: Regardless of how many wives Solomon had, God’s view of sex is pretty clear. The books of the Bible are written by and about people how continually mess up but that God’s message is still taught through.
@ Carl: thanks for thinking of me.
@ Carmel: Amen!
@ Anon: So you, someone who doesn’t believe in God, or at least has no interest in the God of Christianity, is an authority on what he does or doesn’t care about? You are clearly quite upset with God, fortunately He won’t turn His back on you and is willing to take you back at any time.
Great post, Matt! I think I’m going to have to follow those links and listen to the messages you talked about.
I’ve been a Christian since I was five, and I’ve been committed to remaining pure until marriage since I was old enough to understand what that meant, but it hasn’t been until relatively recently that I truly came to understand God’s creation of marriage and sex with marriage. (Sometimes I think that the church shies away from talking about sex within the confines of marriage and explaining why we are to wait beyond “it’s wrong.”) Joshua Harris’ books really helped me in that understanding.
Needless to say, Proverbs 4:23 (“Above all else, guard your heart…”) has become very important in how I live my life.
Thanks Jen! While I haven’t read Harris’ book, I have heard him speak and it seems that he is interested in an appropriate balance in our views of sex. That we cannot, as the Church has often done, just says sex is bad until marriage, and we can also not just say that we can have as much sex as we want. Sex IS a good thing, but it is only appropriate appreciated and enjoyed when it is in the bounds of a loving and committed marriage. Anything outside of that is a skew in understanding and will lead to hurt and separation from God. Not to say that any of that is easy of course! And, indeed, guarding our heart until the fulfillment of promises can be had is so necessary!